So I know I missed a week, and am a little late with this blog post, and for that I apologize. Things have been a bit Crazy since the last time we talked.
It's now been over a month since we were supposed to move and get into a groove of living our life in our house. Still not there, and things aren't necessarily getting better either.
I talked last time about how I was trying to set deadlines, and how that wasn't working. I still believe that, and have no issue with that. What I'm having a hard time with right now, is that every time we try to make the basement a little more like home, something happens to not only remind us it's not, but to make things even more difficult.
Last Tuesday, during the construction of the bathroom in the basement, the electrician determined that the electrical was out of code, and needed to be fixed. Not really an issue, seeing as it was installed in 1952, I can see how it would be out of code. However the problem became compounded when he ripped everything out without telling anyone until after it was done, and then, as of today. We still do not have power in the basement. Save for an extension cord that runs the refrigerator and our lighting system we have installed.
I know that this has to be done, and it will take a bit to get it done. But it felt like no one thought to ask and think about the fact that Molly and I are TRYING to live down there. So far, we have completely re-organized the rooms we are in, put up some Christmas lights to add some ambiance, and bought a couch so we could sit down there and be comfortable. At least the Christmas lights help so the we can plug them in and have some lighting down there. It's frustrating, because no matter how much people tell us that they are thinking about us, and that we are important, we find out about this stuff after we get home, and then it's like, oh well, sucks to be you.
I mean, we are living down there, don't we at least deserve some notice?
Oh well, on to other things.
Molly and I have talked about things that we did or didn't want to do or get until later on in our marriage, or until our working situation had changed. Well two weeks ago today, we broke one of those rules.
We got ourselves a dog. Now, I know that a dog is a serious commitment, and one that will try your patience and demand your time, which was one of the reasons we didn't want to get one until our work situation changed. However, sometimes those rules need to be broken, and we picked up a 4 month old Husky/Lab/Bull Mastiff mix pup that we have named Kuma. Molly found him on Craigslist and we went down to look at him and eventually got him. I wanted to make sure we didn't get an insanely active pup, one who we'd have to watch constantly, because we just wouldn't have the time. But he's a great calm dog, and learning very quickly for a four month old. I'm sure Molly will go into more details in her blog, and I'll keep you updated as well from time to time.
This is going to be a shorter post today, as I'm just not in the writing mood very much as of recently.
I'll catch you on the flip side.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Sometimes it takes a 2x4. . .
May 10th. And we are still in my Grandmother's basement, and I don't honestly know when we'll be out. I asked last week for prayer that the work would be done by Friday, and that I would know when this became a safety issue for my wife. Thursday work had barely started. As of today, we are waiting for the first of four inspections to be able to complete the bathroom, so that Molly and I can move out. And it's really frustrating that this isn't done. that it hasn't moved, and it doesn't seem to be going anywhere.
And then Wednesday I had that moment of clarity that you get every now and then. Molly and I had just had another conversation about our current circumstances, and we were both feeling a bit tired and angry that God hadn't been answering our prayers the way we wanted.
But that doesn't mean he wasn't answering prayer.
I kept telling God that this needed to be done by this date, or Molly and I would go and find an apartment and move on. I kept telling him that this was needed, this was important. That this was what was best for everyone involved. And every time I told him that, something went wrong to delay the process of getting the bathroom done. Every time. It never failed. And finally it dawned on me, that I was demanding my schedule be done for what was best for me. Even though I said it was for us, (which I do believe that in the long run it is) it was really because I was uncomfortable and wanted things my way.
Sometimes the Lord gently nudges, other times he tells us pretty clearly.
And still others, he uses a 2X4 to inform us in no uncertain terms that He is in charge, and will work according to his timing.
I don't know why we still need to be in the basement right now, I don't know why we will still have to be down there for (probably) at least another week. But I know, that I have been told very clearly, that this is where we are supposed to be for now.
I don't like it. I don't understand it. I know that it can put a ton more pressure on our marriage then I think there needs to be. I want us to be able to move, I want this whole situation to be done. But I can't have that yet.
Maybe I have to learn patience. Maybe I have to learn what it is to lead in a situation that I really abhor. Maybe I need to learn how to better praise God when things aren't even close to going my way.
Maybe all of the above. All I know is at this point, is we can save some extra money to put away to help our future in whatever way that may be.
At some point we all have to learn that just because our prayers aren't answered the way we want, doesn't mean they weren't answered. I took me praying for this a bunch of times before I realized, this was God answering that prayer. And if something happens, and we have to find an apartment, then we do that. I have to trust that the lord will make it clear, if and when that time comes.
And then Wednesday I had that moment of clarity that you get every now and then. Molly and I had just had another conversation about our current circumstances, and we were both feeling a bit tired and angry that God hadn't been answering our prayers the way we wanted.
But that doesn't mean he wasn't answering prayer.
I kept telling God that this needed to be done by this date, or Molly and I would go and find an apartment and move on. I kept telling him that this was needed, this was important. That this was what was best for everyone involved. And every time I told him that, something went wrong to delay the process of getting the bathroom done. Every time. It never failed. And finally it dawned on me, that I was demanding my schedule be done for what was best for me. Even though I said it was for us, (which I do believe that in the long run it is) it was really because I was uncomfortable and wanted things my way.
Sometimes the Lord gently nudges, other times he tells us pretty clearly.
And still others, he uses a 2X4 to inform us in no uncertain terms that He is in charge, and will work according to his timing.
I don't know why we still need to be in the basement right now, I don't know why we will still have to be down there for (probably) at least another week. But I know, that I have been told very clearly, that this is where we are supposed to be for now.
I don't like it. I don't understand it. I know that it can put a ton more pressure on our marriage then I think there needs to be. I want us to be able to move, I want this whole situation to be done. But I can't have that yet.
Maybe I have to learn patience. Maybe I have to learn what it is to lead in a situation that I really abhor. Maybe I need to learn how to better praise God when things aren't even close to going my way.
Maybe all of the above. All I know is at this point, is we can save some extra money to put away to help our future in whatever way that may be.
At some point we all have to learn that just because our prayers aren't answered the way we want, doesn't mean they weren't answered. I took me praying for this a bunch of times before I realized, this was God answering that prayer. And if something happens, and we have to find an apartment, then we do that. I have to trust that the lord will make it clear, if and when that time comes.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
The New Normal
So it's Sunday morning at 6 am and I'm sitting here writing this blog. I've found that I'm waking up almost without an alarm now. I'm hoping that I'm not turning into my Mom who gets up with the sun, and this is just a phase that will pass. But it got me thinking a little bit today about the "New Normal" that both Molly and I are starting to learn.
It's not a bad thing that we are having to learn it, but it is different. And it is something that while I thought I knew the depth of it, I really didn't. Like most things I've been asked about, I told people that I know there will be issues, I just won't know the depth of what we are going through until we actually start going through them.
We've been married for two weeks now, and I still don't think it's truly hit me in a real tangible way. I haven't had the semi-truck smashing thought of what I did, and what my life will be like. My dad said it didn't hit him until almost four years after his marriage, so I don't know when mine will hit. The Honeymoon was great. We had a week off, we could enjoy the relaxation and just get away. We enjoyed time with friends and, we learned (at least on a smaller scale) how to deal with another person in bed with us. It was great.
Then we got home, and suddenly life came steamrolling back. We still haven't figured out where home is, work was more nuts than normal, and now we were dealing with the fact that life for us wasn't ever going to be the same.
It hit Molly really hard the first night. Realizing that she wasn't going back, to her parents house. That this was what was to be the standard now. The lack of our own place still didn't help either. And I felt, and still feel to a degree helpless. I knew the leaving the family would be the hardest for her. She's spent her life there, she loves her parents and siblings deeply, and I had done the separation thing with my parents awhile ago, so it wasn't a huge deal for me. But to not have our own place lined up still after the wedding, made it ten times harder than it should have had to have been, and I had no way to fix it, or to make it easier for her to transition into. I love my wife, (and no, the fun of saying that hasn't worn off yet) and to not be able to fix this made it even harder to start the process of learning to work with this "New Normal".
A week has now gone by in the wait for our place. And I don't know if we'll hit our deadline for the wait, or have to find a place to stay temporarily, while we wait for the place that should have been ours when we get back to get done. Mind you I'm not blaming anyone for it not being done. There are roadblocks that were hit, no one knew about and took time to get done. But I promised Molly that we would set a deadline for this and stick to it. I don't want to stay where we are at indefinitely, I don't even want to stay here longer than about 2 weeks, which is the deadline we set in the beginning. At the same time, we looked at our budget, and we will be tight for awhile as we start to pay off the mountain of student loans we have. (Much more me than her) And to get an apartment now would make it harder for us to start saving and trying to build for our future. I feel like I'm getting to the point where we will have to make a decision for either, our sanity from this mess, or really helping our long term financial future.
I know we aren't the first couple that's had to stay with relatives right after we got married, and I know that they have survived. I guess it just simply the fact of wanting this done for so long, and it still not being where we wanted it. I want to start learning this "New Normal" with Molly in our own place, not with relatives and other craziness that can make things difficult for couples that have been married for years, let alone just getting started.
And no matter how it affects us, we aren't the only ones it's truly affecting. I will always choose to keep my wife safe, and if it comes down to that, we will move and take the financial hit. But I look at our situation, and I have to really ask if it's truly a safety thing, or if it's just uncomfortable and annoying that things haven't gone to plan. And if it's the latter, we have to be willing to take the comfort hit for the sake of everyone else involved.
So if, there was something you could all pray for? That the work on my Grandmother's house would get done this week, and that I would have the wisdom to know if and when it stops being a comfort issue, and becomes a safety of my wife issue.
It's not a bad thing that we are having to learn it, but it is different. And it is something that while I thought I knew the depth of it, I really didn't. Like most things I've been asked about, I told people that I know there will be issues, I just won't know the depth of what we are going through until we actually start going through them.
We've been married for two weeks now, and I still don't think it's truly hit me in a real tangible way. I haven't had the semi-truck smashing thought of what I did, and what my life will be like. My dad said it didn't hit him until almost four years after his marriage, so I don't know when mine will hit. The Honeymoon was great. We had a week off, we could enjoy the relaxation and just get away. We enjoyed time with friends and, we learned (at least on a smaller scale) how to deal with another person in bed with us. It was great.
Then we got home, and suddenly life came steamrolling back. We still haven't figured out where home is, work was more nuts than normal, and now we were dealing with the fact that life for us wasn't ever going to be the same.
It hit Molly really hard the first night. Realizing that she wasn't going back, to her parents house. That this was what was to be the standard now. The lack of our own place still didn't help either. And I felt, and still feel to a degree helpless. I knew the leaving the family would be the hardest for her. She's spent her life there, she loves her parents and siblings deeply, and I had done the separation thing with my parents awhile ago, so it wasn't a huge deal for me. But to not have our own place lined up still after the wedding, made it ten times harder than it should have had to have been, and I had no way to fix it, or to make it easier for her to transition into. I love my wife, (and no, the fun of saying that hasn't worn off yet) and to not be able to fix this made it even harder to start the process of learning to work with this "New Normal".
A week has now gone by in the wait for our place. And I don't know if we'll hit our deadline for the wait, or have to find a place to stay temporarily, while we wait for the place that should have been ours when we get back to get done. Mind you I'm not blaming anyone for it not being done. There are roadblocks that were hit, no one knew about and took time to get done. But I promised Molly that we would set a deadline for this and stick to it. I don't want to stay where we are at indefinitely, I don't even want to stay here longer than about 2 weeks, which is the deadline we set in the beginning. At the same time, we looked at our budget, and we will be tight for awhile as we start to pay off the mountain of student loans we have. (Much more me than her) And to get an apartment now would make it harder for us to start saving and trying to build for our future. I feel like I'm getting to the point where we will have to make a decision for either, our sanity from this mess, or really helping our long term financial future.
I know we aren't the first couple that's had to stay with relatives right after we got married, and I know that they have survived. I guess it just simply the fact of wanting this done for so long, and it still not being where we wanted it. I want to start learning this "New Normal" with Molly in our own place, not with relatives and other craziness that can make things difficult for couples that have been married for years, let alone just getting started.
And no matter how it affects us, we aren't the only ones it's truly affecting. I will always choose to keep my wife safe, and if it comes down to that, we will move and take the financial hit. But I look at our situation, and I have to really ask if it's truly a safety thing, or if it's just uncomfortable and annoying that things haven't gone to plan. And if it's the latter, we have to be willing to take the comfort hit for the sake of everyone else involved.
So if, there was something you could all pray for? That the work on my Grandmother's house would get done this week, and that I would have the wisdom to know if and when it stops being a comfort issue, and becomes a safety of my wife issue.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)