So it's Sunday morning at 6 am and I'm sitting here writing this blog. I've found that I'm waking up almost without an alarm now. I'm hoping that I'm not turning into my Mom who gets up with the sun, and this is just a phase that will pass. But it got me thinking a little bit today about the "New Normal" that both Molly and I are starting to learn.
It's not a bad thing that we are having to learn it, but it is different. And it is something that while I thought I knew the depth of it, I really didn't. Like most things I've been asked about, I told people that I know there will be issues, I just won't know the depth of what we are going through until we actually start going through them.
We've been married for two weeks now, and I still don't think it's truly hit me in a real tangible way. I haven't had the semi-truck smashing thought of what I did, and what my life will be like. My dad said it didn't hit him until almost four years after his marriage, so I don't know when mine will hit. The Honeymoon was great. We had a week off, we could enjoy the relaxation and just get away. We enjoyed time with friends and, we learned (at least on a smaller scale) how to deal with another person in bed with us. It was great.
Then we got home, and suddenly life came steamrolling back. We still haven't figured out where home is, work was more nuts than normal, and now we were dealing with the fact that life for us wasn't ever going to be the same.
It hit Molly really hard the first night. Realizing that she wasn't going back, to her parents house. That this was what was to be the standard now. The lack of our own place still didn't help either. And I felt, and still feel to a degree helpless. I knew the leaving the family would be the hardest for her. She's spent her life there, she loves her parents and siblings deeply, and I had done the separation thing with my parents awhile ago, so it wasn't a huge deal for me. But to not have our own place lined up still after the wedding, made it ten times harder than it should have had to have been, and I had no way to fix it, or to make it easier for her to transition into. I love my wife, (and no, the fun of saying that hasn't worn off yet) and to not be able to fix this made it even harder to start the process of learning to work with this "New Normal".
A week has now gone by in the wait for our place. And I don't know if we'll hit our deadline for the wait, or have to find a place to stay temporarily, while we wait for the place that should have been ours when we get back to get done. Mind you I'm not blaming anyone for it not being done. There are roadblocks that were hit, no one knew about and took time to get done. But I promised Molly that we would set a deadline for this and stick to it. I don't want to stay where we are at indefinitely, I don't even want to stay here longer than about 2 weeks, which is the deadline we set in the beginning. At the same time, we looked at our budget, and we will be tight for awhile as we start to pay off the mountain of student loans we have. (Much more me than her) And to get an apartment now would make it harder for us to start saving and trying to build for our future. I feel like I'm getting to the point where we will have to make a decision for either, our sanity from this mess, or really helping our long term financial future.
I know we aren't the first couple that's had to stay with relatives right after we got married, and I know that they have survived. I guess it just simply the fact of wanting this done for so long, and it still not being where we wanted it. I want to start learning this "New Normal" with Molly in our own place, not with relatives and other craziness that can make things difficult for couples that have been married for years, let alone just getting started.
And no matter how it affects us, we aren't the only ones it's truly affecting. I will always choose to keep my wife safe, and if it comes down to that, we will move and take the financial hit. But I look at our situation, and I have to really ask if it's truly a safety thing, or if it's just uncomfortable and annoying that things haven't gone to plan. And if it's the latter, we have to be willing to take the comfort hit for the sake of everyone else involved.
So if, there was something you could all pray for? That the work on my Grandmother's house would get done this week, and that I would have the wisdom to know if and when it stops being a comfort issue, and becomes a safety of my wife issue.
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