What to do. . . What to do.

(LONG RANT AHEAD)

So, it's been an interesting last week.

Let's recap:

Monday evening we officially found out what our living arrangements will be.  After three months of sitting in limbo, we finally know!  That's a good thing.  You see, we've been pushing off our looking for a place until a major decision was made, and we had been getting more and more "pressed" to start looking, so it's nice to not have to worry about that anymore.

We also have our official marriage license now!  That was a big moment for me.  I guess I looked at it as something real and and something we could grasp, that brought this even closer to reality.  I already had the "DUDE!  You're getting MARRIED!" thought go through my head, but this was just that first real physical something that I could touch, that said this is happening.  This official state document, says I'm marrying my girl.  And that was something that I just really looked forward to.  I was a smiling mess the rest of that day, it felt so good!

Wednesday, I made my girl mad.  I didn't mean to, but it's a good lesson about how the way we say something can, (and usually will) have an immediate effect.  We work together, so she usually stops in my office in the morning for a few minutes, and says hi, then gets (as she calls it) her morning charge up hug.  That day I hugged, and was turning to get to work on something, (I had a couple of deadlines I had to hit, so I wanted to jump on them ASAP) and she stood there and said, that she wanted a bigger hug.  (Note to those reading, I know I goofed here, I made amends, and everything is okay)  I looked at her and said; "Babe, I need to get to work."  Now, what I meant by that was, "My love, I have some deadlines that I need to get going on, and so I need to start on them.  I love you."  What she heard was, "I don't have three more seconds to give you a little bigger hug than I just did, so please, leave me in peace."  Now neither one of those was a correct interpretation of what I said.  But it falls on me to be clear in what I communicate.  It wasn't a big deal for me to give her another squeeze, I just wasn't thinking. And I realized that I messed up big time in that. I didn't show her the importance that I needed to, and no matter how I thought I was saying it, in truth, it did come out kind of whiny and of the "ugh, do I have to?" kind of sound.  Now I know that I'm not going to be perfect, I know that I'm not going to treat her the way I am supposed to treat her all the time I'm commanded to.  But I really thought I'd do a little better than that, and I would be able to show her the respect and love she is deserving of in a little thing like that.  But I didn't, and it bothered me.  We talked about it and moved on, so it's over and done with.  But it was a good reminder to me to keep practicing, and keep being extremely intentional in my actions towards her.

You see, we hold too much to the idea of people earning respect or love.  Not to the two most important commandments that God gives us in Mark 12:30-31

AND YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND, AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH.'  "The second is this, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.' There is no other commandment greater than these."  NASB

It doesn't say "once they have earned it", or "until they do something to lose it"  It means that we are to love the other person no matter what.  And it hurt that I didn't show her that love the way I should.

The last few weeks have also brought some other things to light for me about what I'm about to do, and how I should be behaving.

We take the wedding vows we make too lightly I think sometimes, and we fail to see the true meaning of what those vows really mean.  This came to light for me in one very specific vow in general.

"Forsaking all others"  Do we REALLY understand what this means?  Do I?  Sometimes I believe, we think it means, I'm not going to look for another person for the rest of my life.  This is who I'm with.  And while I believe that is correct, I think it means SO MUCH more than that as well.  It means that no one else will ever be more important than my wife.  No one else will ever come between us in any way.  Not just a romantic one.  It means that no other friendship will be a substitute for the relationship I have with my wife from this day forward.

And that got me thinking about friends that I still have contact with.  Old flames that I still talk to because they are "friends"  Some of them are married, and I realized,  I was not honoring that vow for them.  If I really believe what I'm saying, it means I need to not be in the way, and not even leave the door open for anything to happen.  And I needed to make some hard choices in my life.  So I blocked a couple of friends from Facebook, and any other form of contact I had with them.

Now would anything happen?  Probably not. But because I believe in the "Forsaking all others" vow I'm going to make in 19 days, why would I even want to leave the chance of that happening at all? And more to the point, if I wouldn't want my girl keeping in contact with old flames, why would it be okay for me to keep in contact? Why leave a door open?  It's like saying, "I believe in this, but I'm going to leave a door out, just in case."  Aren't we just building an excuse for if something goes wrong? Instead of saying, "I make this vow, and I will fight to the DEATH to keep it."

The hardest part about the forsaking all others thing is, that it's not just old flames or new prospects.  It's whoever might hinder or get in the way of your marriage at all.  That means current friends, family, work, the church you're attending, anything and anyone.  I love my parents,  and I respect their opinion in my life more than almost anyone in the world.  But, "Forsaking all others" means, if they become a hindrance to my marriage, I must choose my wife over my parents.  If my job forces me to choose between it and my wife, the job loses.  If my church asks me to choose, the church loses.  (And don't think it would never happen.  I've seen it.)  It means that I put her on the mantle that is my life, and no thing, or other person in this world will ever replace, or be a substitute for her.  EVER.  It's humbling to think about how keeping that vow is all on me too. It's not her responsibility to help me forsake all others, it's not contingent on whether or not she deserves it.  I make that vow.  Me, on my own.  I choose to keep her exalted, and I am REQUIRED to keep that oath, no matter what happens in life.

What was I saying about intentionality again?