Mexico, March, and MADNESS! (Not just the Basketball kind either.)

So here I sit at work.  Monday afternoon, waiting for my Soldering iron to warm up, typing this blog.  I should be down in Mexico with my Parents and the missions team that went down to build houses this week.  Only the second time in 13 years that I have not been able to make the trip.  The first time was because I had finals at school, and this time is because I have to make the choice between Mexico, and my honeymoon.  As much as I love going to Mexico. . . I like the idea of my honeymoon much much more.  So yeah, I know that I have good reasons for not going, and no one is blaming me for not going, but at the same time, it's really hard not to be there.

Now I know that a lot of people say "Don't go to Mexico!  you could be kidnapped or killed!"  You know what?  You're absolutely right.  But I could be kidnapped or killed walking outside my house.  You take risks in life no matter what you do.  And we have never run into anything that I would consider truly dangerous.  In fact I have no problems telling you that I will be taking my kids on this trip for as long as there are people who want to go with us.  So not going with the Church to Mexico and having to stay home is not a feeling I relish.  To make it worse, I have to house sit my parents house while they're gone. And when I pulled up to the house on Saturday morning, it was the same feeling I had when I headed home after seeing everyone in '08.  This sinking, almost painful feeling of, "THIS IS NOT RIGHT!"  I should be there, building a house, doing what God calls us to do:

James 1:27 : Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.  NASB

I think about that and I feel wholly not right being here.  Now I have responsibilities here.  Work, wedding planning, Dog-Sitting.  (not thrilled at that last one BTW.)  And so I have to make a choice.  And I did.  And I'll be able to go next year, and continue what I believe to be a great work.

So it's March.  And as I write this, we roll just under the 26 day mark until I'm married to my one and only.

I'm excited and terrified at the same time.  I know this is normal.  I know I'm not the first to feel this way, not the last, and more than likely, not the only one feeling this way at this very moment.  But hey, it's my blog, so deal with it. :-)

It really hit me about a week ago that my life will truly, never be the same after this.  I'll never be simply, Michael.  I'll never be single or alone in that sense anymore.  I'm scared because this is WAY uncharted territory, and I have no reference point on what I'm supposed to do, or expect out of this.  I can get all the advice in the world, but advice is never a substitute for experience.  And while I don't want that experience right now, because obviously, there are negatives attached to that,  I still feel out of my element, and I don't know if I can be what I need to be and how to accomplish that.   I don't like not being able to figure out the solution to the question, and that's where I truly feel I'm at right now. 


Now to the Madness. . . There are still so many little details to finish with the wedding, and I know we won't get to them all.  The part of me that knows that wants to say, "Okay, we are done trying to et things planned by this date.  (Say, a week before the wedding) and we don't touch it until it's time to setup."  This would not go over well with a lot of people, but I look at this like, I'm here to marry her, not pull my head off it's shoulders worrying about place settings.  I guess the nice thing is for me, we are about to get the second of two things that will make this truly real to me.

We have her ring, (it's gorgeous, BTW) and that was really something that I could hold in my hand and say this is real.  Today we get to go get our State license, to officially become married.  I think it will really hit home for me then. not just saying we are getting married, but having the piece of paper to sign, making it official in the eyes of the state and everyone at the wedding.  Yet one more thing to worry about not losing in the next month.  :-/

But I'm excited!  Truly and utterly excited,  because I truly have someone to share this adventure with, whom I can trust completely to stick with me through all of this.  I'm excited to have a partner, not a competitor to walk down this new road with.  And I relish the opportunities that we will have together.  SO MUCH more than separate.  I have found someone whom I look at and see the next fifty years passing by, and only having one thought.

This is SO right.



I'M GETTING MARRIED IN 26 DAYS!!!!!



Maybe I'll talk college basketball on another post. . .