What to do. . . What to do.

(LONG RANT AHEAD)

So, it's been an interesting last week.

Let's recap:

Monday evening we officially found out what our living arrangements will be.  After three months of sitting in limbo, we finally know!  That's a good thing.  You see, we've been pushing off our looking for a place until a major decision was made, and we had been getting more and more "pressed" to start looking, so it's nice to not have to worry about that anymore.

We also have our official marriage license now!  That was a big moment for me.  I guess I looked at it as something real and and something we could grasp, that brought this even closer to reality.  I already had the "DUDE!  You're getting MARRIED!" thought go through my head, but this was just that first real physical something that I could touch, that said this is happening.  This official state document, says I'm marrying my girl.  And that was something that I just really looked forward to.  I was a smiling mess the rest of that day, it felt so good!

Wednesday, I made my girl mad.  I didn't mean to, but it's a good lesson about how the way we say something can, (and usually will) have an immediate effect.  We work together, so she usually stops in my office in the morning for a few minutes, and says hi, then gets (as she calls it) her morning charge up hug.  That day I hugged, and was turning to get to work on something, (I had a couple of deadlines I had to hit, so I wanted to jump on them ASAP) and she stood there and said, that she wanted a bigger hug.  (Note to those reading, I know I goofed here, I made amends, and everything is okay)  I looked at her and said; "Babe, I need to get to work."  Now, what I meant by that was, "My love, I have some deadlines that I need to get going on, and so I need to start on them.  I love you."  What she heard was, "I don't have three more seconds to give you a little bigger hug than I just did, so please, leave me in peace."  Now neither one of those was a correct interpretation of what I said.  But it falls on me to be clear in what I communicate.  It wasn't a big deal for me to give her another squeeze, I just wasn't thinking. And I realized that I messed up big time in that. I didn't show her the importance that I needed to, and no matter how I thought I was saying it, in truth, it did come out kind of whiny and of the "ugh, do I have to?" kind of sound.  Now I know that I'm not going to be perfect, I know that I'm not going to treat her the way I am supposed to treat her all the time I'm commanded to.  But I really thought I'd do a little better than that, and I would be able to show her the respect and love she is deserving of in a little thing like that.  But I didn't, and it bothered me.  We talked about it and moved on, so it's over and done with.  But it was a good reminder to me to keep practicing, and keep being extremely intentional in my actions towards her.

You see, we hold too much to the idea of people earning respect or love.  Not to the two most important commandments that God gives us in Mark 12:30-31

AND YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND, AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH.'  "The second is this, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.' There is no other commandment greater than these."  NASB

It doesn't say "once they have earned it", or "until they do something to lose it"  It means that we are to love the other person no matter what.  And it hurt that I didn't show her that love the way I should.

The last few weeks have also brought some other things to light for me about what I'm about to do, and how I should be behaving.

We take the wedding vows we make too lightly I think sometimes, and we fail to see the true meaning of what those vows really mean.  This came to light for me in one very specific vow in general.

"Forsaking all others"  Do we REALLY understand what this means?  Do I?  Sometimes I believe, we think it means, I'm not going to look for another person for the rest of my life.  This is who I'm with.  And while I believe that is correct, I think it means SO MUCH more than that as well.  It means that no one else will ever be more important than my wife.  No one else will ever come between us in any way.  Not just a romantic one.  It means that no other friendship will be a substitute for the relationship I have with my wife from this day forward.

And that got me thinking about friends that I still have contact with.  Old flames that I still talk to because they are "friends"  Some of them are married, and I realized,  I was not honoring that vow for them.  If I really believe what I'm saying, it means I need to not be in the way, and not even leave the door open for anything to happen.  And I needed to make some hard choices in my life.  So I blocked a couple of friends from Facebook, and any other form of contact I had with them.

Now would anything happen?  Probably not. But because I believe in the "Forsaking all others" vow I'm going to make in 19 days, why would I even want to leave the chance of that happening at all? And more to the point, if I wouldn't want my girl keeping in contact with old flames, why would it be okay for me to keep in contact? Why leave a door open?  It's like saying, "I believe in this, but I'm going to leave a door out, just in case."  Aren't we just building an excuse for if something goes wrong? Instead of saying, "I make this vow, and I will fight to the DEATH to keep it."

The hardest part about the forsaking all others thing is, that it's not just old flames or new prospects.  It's whoever might hinder or get in the way of your marriage at all.  That means current friends, family, work, the church you're attending, anything and anyone.  I love my parents,  and I respect their opinion in my life more than almost anyone in the world.  But, "Forsaking all others" means, if they become a hindrance to my marriage, I must choose my wife over my parents.  If my job forces me to choose between it and my wife, the job loses.  If my church asks me to choose, the church loses.  (And don't think it would never happen.  I've seen it.)  It means that I put her on the mantle that is my life, and no thing, or other person in this world will ever replace, or be a substitute for her.  EVER.  It's humbling to think about how keeping that vow is all on me too. It's not her responsibility to help me forsake all others, it's not contingent on whether or not she deserves it.  I make that vow.  Me, on my own.  I choose to keep her exalted, and I am REQUIRED to keep that oath, no matter what happens in life.

What was I saying about intentionality again?

Mexico, March, and MADNESS! (Not just the Basketball kind either.)

So here I sit at work.  Monday afternoon, waiting for my Soldering iron to warm up, typing this blog.  I should be down in Mexico with my Parents and the missions team that went down to build houses this week.  Only the second time in 13 years that I have not been able to make the trip.  The first time was because I had finals at school, and this time is because I have to make the choice between Mexico, and my honeymoon.  As much as I love going to Mexico. . . I like the idea of my honeymoon much much more.  So yeah, I know that I have good reasons for not going, and no one is blaming me for not going, but at the same time, it's really hard not to be there.

Now I know that a lot of people say "Don't go to Mexico!  you could be kidnapped or killed!"  You know what?  You're absolutely right.  But I could be kidnapped or killed walking outside my house.  You take risks in life no matter what you do.  And we have never run into anything that I would consider truly dangerous.  In fact I have no problems telling you that I will be taking my kids on this trip for as long as there are people who want to go with us.  So not going with the Church to Mexico and having to stay home is not a feeling I relish.  To make it worse, I have to house sit my parents house while they're gone. And when I pulled up to the house on Saturday morning, it was the same feeling I had when I headed home after seeing everyone in '08.  This sinking, almost painful feeling of, "THIS IS NOT RIGHT!"  I should be there, building a house, doing what God calls us to do:

James 1:27 : Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.  NASB

I think about that and I feel wholly not right being here.  Now I have responsibilities here.  Work, wedding planning, Dog-Sitting.  (not thrilled at that last one BTW.)  And so I have to make a choice.  And I did.  And I'll be able to go next year, and continue what I believe to be a great work.

So it's March.  And as I write this, we roll just under the 26 day mark until I'm married to my one and only.

I'm excited and terrified at the same time.  I know this is normal.  I know I'm not the first to feel this way, not the last, and more than likely, not the only one feeling this way at this very moment.  But hey, it's my blog, so deal with it. :-)

It really hit me about a week ago that my life will truly, never be the same after this.  I'll never be simply, Michael.  I'll never be single or alone in that sense anymore.  I'm scared because this is WAY uncharted territory, and I have no reference point on what I'm supposed to do, or expect out of this.  I can get all the advice in the world, but advice is never a substitute for experience.  And while I don't want that experience right now, because obviously, there are negatives attached to that,  I still feel out of my element, and I don't know if I can be what I need to be and how to accomplish that.   I don't like not being able to figure out the solution to the question, and that's where I truly feel I'm at right now. 


Now to the Madness. . . There are still so many little details to finish with the wedding, and I know we won't get to them all.  The part of me that knows that wants to say, "Okay, we are done trying to et things planned by this date.  (Say, a week before the wedding) and we don't touch it until it's time to setup."  This would not go over well with a lot of people, but I look at this like, I'm here to marry her, not pull my head off it's shoulders worrying about place settings.  I guess the nice thing is for me, we are about to get the second of two things that will make this truly real to me.

We have her ring, (it's gorgeous, BTW) and that was really something that I could hold in my hand and say this is real.  Today we get to go get our State license, to officially become married.  I think it will really hit home for me then. not just saying we are getting married, but having the piece of paper to sign, making it official in the eyes of the state and everyone at the wedding.  Yet one more thing to worry about not losing in the next month.  :-/

But I'm excited!  Truly and utterly excited,  because I truly have someone to share this adventure with, whom I can trust completely to stick with me through all of this.  I'm excited to have a partner, not a competitor to walk down this new road with.  And I relish the opportunities that we will have together.  SO MUCH more than separate.  I have found someone whom I look at and see the next fifty years passing by, and only having one thought.

This is SO right.



I'M GETTING MARRIED IN 26 DAYS!!!!!



Maybe I'll talk college basketball on another post. . . 

Deadline Passed. . . And yet so many people left unanswered.

So I know that I have done this before.  Haven't answered a deadline and I know that I should have.  I think it just bothers me, the sheer number of people who haven't replied to the RSVP my girl and I sent out for our wedding.

I know, you forget.  Things pile up, it gets lost,  I'm cool with that. I even (semi) understand you not responding if your not coming.  Doesn't make my life easier, for the following reasons.

The issue I'm having I guess is simply this, of the invites we sent out, there are a LOT of people I expected to respond, even if they weren't coming, that simply have not.  This makes things hard, as we have had to change Venues for the wedding, and I need to get Change of Venue cards out to people.  So do I send anyone who didn't reply one?  That way they don't show up at the wrong place?  This would be the thing I'm most likely going to do, but it leads to another question/problem.


If they didn't take the time to reply on whether or not they were coming, should I spend the time/postage/effort to tell them the place has changed.  Now mind you this isn't simply acquaintances or random friends.  This is family and close personal friends, who simply have not taken the time to say yes or no.  Either one! It's not that hard.  We gave them two ways to RSVP and gave them a month with two months notice of the wedding.  If you can't make it, you can't make it, but at least say you can't.  Don't just not reply, and then I have to send more things out to you to let you know of a change that you don't care about!  My girl and I are paying for the whole wedding by ourselves.  No one is paying for anything major.  And quite honestly I could come up with a lot better use of my time and money to not have to send as many change of venue card out that I did Invitations.

Again, let me be clear.  I will send them out.  It just bugs me that people don't seem to have the courtesy to simply reply.

*sigh* Moving on. . . . .

*DISCLAIMER*
So as you may have guessed, this is my first blog.  Now normally I am not the guy to blog about stuff, in fact I think sometimes the freedoms we have in the internet aren't all that great.  For all the people who utilize this medium correctly, there are THOUSANDS, if not MILLIONS who don't.  I will try to keep this as close to correct as possible.

Everything on here is my opinion.  Feel free to disagree, not like it, not read it, whatever you want to do.  You can even discuss it with me if you want.  But please, remember, at the end of the day this is my opinion.  I may give you third party fact to support my opinion, but it's still my opinion and generally I hold to my opinion.  But I'm always open to new ideas.


*NEXT!*